no monday blues .
but serious blues all along since friday .
ohh wells .
nevermind .
i'll get used to it .
it's only a matter of TIME ..
slander .
hmmmms . SCHOOL talked abt it today .
didnt come to me that things could get so serious ~
ohh wells, at first i didn't really care laa .
because now i love all my teachers .
thus, i don't write such things anymore .
besides, this blog is only set up after i knew how great my teachers are .
so . i was relieved ~
and how very WRONG i was .
was absentmindedly trying to see if google can really track blogs .
and i typed in :
" NAME huayi blogspot"
and suddenly, TADA ~~
i saw my OLD blog listed .
had a SHOCK of my life .
panicked of course .
i wouldn't risk getting into such disciplinary problems with the new discipline commitee in school.
in the final year of my secondary school education .
besides, i've never even been involved with such things before .
my record is CLEAR one okays?!
alrighs .
back to what i was saying .
i panicked, yahs .
and the next thing i was doing was to delete one of e entries .
it wasnt exactly very mean laa ~
i merely said this teacher isn't being reasonable and not everyone can do things as well as she can .
that time was out of sheer mood swings .
i mean, i treat my blog as a PERSONAL diary, never really intending to let e whole world read it .
and tell me who would be keeping his/her composure all the way in a PERSONAL diary?
i've capitalized, and i re-emphasize, it was meant to be PERSONAL .
i neve bothered to hide anything from my diary .
who does, honestly?
my personal diary, or blog if u want it, is a place where i vent all my frustrations and happiness and unhappiness and well, e whole spectrum of emotions to be specific .
and that part happened to me one thing which upsetted me .
i looked up to that teacher ALOT then .
but the way she dealt with things that day greatly disappointed me .
i didnt mean it as an insult or worse, a slander .
i was merely confiding to my DEAR DIARY .
i didnt feel good after i wrote that either, because somehow i still looked up to her .
and not to forget, in my midst of anger, i tore up the role model paper .
the one i finally got the courage to get her to fill it up for me .
imagine how much emotional torment i had to go through that every night .
i valued that piece of role-model thing like i valued anything important to me .
and i TORE IT ALL UP and DUMPED THE PIECES INTO THE BIN .
arghs .
speaking of it still aches my heart laa ~
regreted doing so !
i guess her "atypical" kind of mood that day wasnt intentional .
she may just be too stressed up with her workload on hand .
i felt remorseful after that though, i really did .
just that i didnt bother to delete e blog entry away .
i never do it to any of my entries .
it's part and parcel of memories i've typed and typed in .
if i were to delete what i'd wrote months ago because things are already in the past,
my diary would be empty .
i kind of forget things very easily .
especially with teachers .
especially the teachers who teaches me .
okay i've side-tracked way too much .
so after i deleted the entry & republished my blog, i went on to google to search for the exact same thing .
and TADA ~
it was still there .
i panicked yet again .
but a second later i told myself i shouldn't worry .
maybe i havent refreshed the page yet .
so i clicked "refresh" .
still there .
"refresh" again .
still there .
"refresh" yet again .
it's STILL THERE !
by then i was really panicking .
hastily i went onto delete that whole blog away .
i intended to do it months before this thing even happened .
but i decided not to as there are 75 entries in that particular blog .
which means 75 different recollections of memories .
deleting it would be too much of a waste .
thus , i just left it there, isolated, and concentrated on this one .
yahs, this one you're reading .
BIG MISTAKE .
if i had deleted it back then, i wouldnt be stuck in such a situation now!
*shrugs*
okays, back to the point .
i happily deleted the blog away this time, thinking that everything would be fine .
even if it was listed on google, at least the site would not appear .
but again, how very WRONG i was .
in google, besides clicking on the main link we usually click,
there's another thing called "cache",
which google defined as the snapshot of the page .
and TADA ~
everything can still be seen!
*screammmmms*
i'm getting extremely irrtated with blogs now .
bloop is a much better place to keep a personal diary.
you can privatise it so NO ONE can access unless he/she has your password .
i used to have one but i stopped using as blogs have much nicer skins (as in designs) than bloops .
BIG MISTAKE once again!!
i'm writing this now not because i'm afraid of the punishment i might get if i get found out .
i didnt do things to the extreme .
and besides, i'm apologetic and willing to sit for as many days of detention as the disciplinary board wants .
what i'm most worried about is the fact that this morning during assembly,
discipline masters told teachers that they could go onto google and chek for such "slanders" .
and i'm very afraid that THAT particular teacher happens to really do that .
i have no intentions to hurt anyone's feelings .
i meant no offences.
besides, she's still the teacher i personally look up to the most .
yes, the MOST .
if she really read what i wrote,
i'm never going to forgive myself .
never ever .
and i'm really sorry .
learnt my mistake thru a big and painful lesson .
i'm pondering on whether or not i should look up the discipline master and apologise for it .
conscience's really pricking me .
but the thing now is i am not taking th punishment as the most important issue .
it's the feelings of THAT teacher i'm concerned with .
if she'd really come across that, no matter how much punishments i accept wouldn't change things .
*sighs*
i wanna cry~~~
i wanna DIE ~~~
blogging is suddenly so stressful .
it's scary to know such things.
ifthis year's Olevel's english composition topic is somewhat to do with a regrettable mistake,
i have my story plot already .
*sighs*
clarice apologises .
hahaas .
by the way, i tagged on that old blog of mine .
saying that :
CONTENTS OF THIS BLOG ARE NO LONGER VALID WITH EFFECT FROM MARCH6,2005 . AUTHOR WILL NOT BE LIABLE FOR CONTENTS OF THE BLOG AFTER THIS.
yahs i know i'm being silly .
but ohh wells, SIGHS .
i dont know waht else i can do~~
9:39 PM
♥クラリス～☆˚
